Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be challenging and deeply rewarding. People with BPD often struggle with intense emotions, fear of abandonment, and unstable relationships. These patterns can feel confusing or overwhelming for loved ones who want to help but aren’t sure how.
In this article, we’ll explore how to support someone with BPD by understanding key BPD symptoms and share strategies that can help you maintain both compassion and healthy boundaries.
Understanding BPD: A Quick Overview
Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by some or all of:
- Intense emotional swings
- Fear of abandonment
- Unstable or rapidly shifting relationships
- Identity confusion
- Impulsive or risky behavior
- Self-harming or suicidal thoughts (in some cases)
These BPD symptoms often stem from early trauma, emotional sensitivity, or difficulties regulating mood. BPD is not a character flaw—it’s a complex disorder that requires understanding and support.
How to Help Your Loved One with BPD
If someone close to you is living with BPD, your support can make a significant difference. Here are some keyways about how to support someone with BPD through some practical and grounded steps:
1. Educate Yourself
Learning about BPD is one of the most empowering things you can do. Understanding what your loved one is experiencing reduces judgment and increases empathy.
- Read books or credible online resources.
- Consider attending a BPD-focused support group or workshop
- Learn about evidence-based treatments like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Object Relations Therapy, and Transference-Focused Therapy.
2. Stay Calm and Grounded
When emotions run high, try not to match their intensity. Your calm presence can be grounding, even if the person with BPD is experiencing a storm of emotion.
- Take a few deep breaths before responding
- Validate their feelings without agreeing with harmful words or behavior
- Avoid reacting defensively
3. Use Validation
Validation means acknowledging your loved one’s feelings—even if you don’t fully understand them. This can help de-escalate emotional reactions and build trust.
Try saying things like:
“That sounds really painful. I can see why you’d feel that way.”
“I might not fully get it, but I know this is real for you.”
Related Post: Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a BPD Therapist
Strategies for Supporting Someone with BPD
Here are practical strategies to help you navigate the relationship while protecting your own mental health:
1. Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are essential—not to punish your loved one, but to preserve the relationship and your well-being.
- Be clear about what behaviors you can and cannot tolerate
- Stay consistent and kind when enforcing boundaries: use “If… then…” statements that you genuinely intend to follow-through on
- Practice saying “no” without guilt
2. Encourage Professional Help
People with BPD benefit most from therapy, especially those suited for their stage of therapy: DBT for stabilization & symptom management, and ORT or FTP for treatment toward recovery.
- Offer to help research therapists or attend intake appointments
- Avoid pressuring them, but be gently persistent about the benefits of treatment
- Celebrate small wins, like showing up for therapy or using a coping skill
3. Take Care of Yourself
Caring for someone with borderline personality disorder can be emotionally exhausting. You won’t be able to help if you’re burned out or resentful. Therefore, protecting your mental is equally important for sustaining long-term support.
- Seek your own therapy or support group
- Take breaks when needed without guilt
- Prioritize your physical and emotional health
4. Avoid Blame and Shame
People showing BPD symptoms often already feel intense self-loathing. Harsh criticism can deepen their sense of rejection and may trigger more emotional dysregulation.
- Focus on behaviors, not personal attacks
- Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…” instead of “You’re always too much”)
Final Thoughts
Learning how to support someone with BPD requires patience, compassion, and resilience. Your relationship may have ups and downs, but with the right tools and boundaries in place, it can also be one of growth and deep connection.
While you cannot “fix” your loved one’s struggles, your consistent presence, empathy, and encouragement can play a powerful role in their healing journey and support the pace of therapeutic progress.
If you’re unsure where to begin, start by simply listening—and remind them (and yourself) that help is out there, and hope is real.
Frequently asked questions
What is the most effective way to support someone with BPD?
Offer consistent emotional support, use validation, set boundaries, and encourage therapy especially DBT or TFT.
What are common BPD symptoms to look out for?
Emotional instability, fear of abandonment, impulsive behavior, and unstable relationships are common signs.
How can I talk to someone with BPD during a crisis?
Stay calm, avoid blame, validate their feelings, and gently encourage grounding or professional support.
Should I avoid setting boundaries with someone who has BPD?
No, boundaries are essential for someone having BPD. But set them kindly and consistently to maintain a healthy relationship.
Can BPD be cured and treated?
BPD is highly treatable through long-term therapy like DBT, ORT, and TFT and through these long-term treatments one can cure BPD, may be in the future.
How do I encourage someone with BPD to seek help?
Share resources, offer to go with them to appointments, and focus on how therapy can imrpove their life quality of life.
What should I avoid saying to someone with BPD?
Avoid saying things like “You’re too much” or “You’re overacting”. These can increase shame and can cause emotional distress.
