There was a day, not so long ago, when people used to speak in whispered tones about psychotherapy: “Did you hear? So-and-so is in therapy.” Nowadays, when you meet someone new, it’s rather likely that it comes up in the first conversation: “Oh, who is your therapist?”
Therapy has lost its stigma, and people are becoming much happier to talk about it. If therapy hasn’t been part of your experience, it may still be shrouded in some degree of mystery. Let’s dispel some of that fog.
What is therapy?
Therapy in Toronto, whether remote, or in-person therapy, is essentially a process of learning about yourself and how to relate to people and situations around you. For instance, if you’re anxious all the time, perhaps you have unrealistic expectations, or you’re perceiving threats where none really exist.
Most of us have “blind spots” which make it hard to see ourselves realistically. Spouses, relatives, friends, and colleagues might not want to be direct with you, but a therapist is trained to deliver the news—good and bad—in an objective but acceptable way.
Therapy comes in a variety of styles and modalities, depending on the specific issue you identify. Mild to moderate anxiety and depression can be addressed with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for instance, but PTSD, for instance, or ADHD-related issues will require more specialized therapy. It’s good to ask a lot of questions when you’re starting out, which is why most therapists offer free consultations.
Benefits of Individual Therapy
You are unique, and the way that you frame your therapeutic needs are unique. You might say that you need more peace of mind, or that you want to be able to genuinely connect with people, or that you want to cut down on your cannabis use. We all start from different places. Your therapist should start with your stated needs.
Most psychotherapy, however, involves looking below the surface of your stated needs to find out that need arose and what continues to drive it. Treating the underlying cause helps ensure that the problem you brought to therapy doesn’t keep popping up in slightly different forms down the road.
For instance, you may be struggling with your supervisor at work. Lots of people do! But somehow you know that your anxiety/anger/irritation is disproportionate to their actual behavior. You may have to unpack how your relationship with one or both of your parents has shaped you as a person and the way that you relate to your supervisor. Working on this with a trained therapist can go a long way in improving not only things at work but probably in other relationships where similar patterns make things difficult.
Benefits of Couples Therapy
They say it takes two to tango. It also takes two to tangle! Everyone comes into a relationship with certain assumptions about how relationships work. We usually formed these assumptions when we were very young, watching our parents. The trouble is that when we were young we weren’t able to critically evaluate the quality of our parents’ relationship(s) but we did store the memories deep in our nervous systems.
Some of us grew up with parents “joined at the hip,” while others of us grew up with parents that, if they didn’t actually share the same address, you’d never mistake them for a couple. In your family perhaps dad took care of the finances, where in my family it was my mom. Unless we step back, usually with the help of someone experienced in dealing with relationships, we may assume that there is a right way to be in a relationship rather than a mutually chosen way.
Couples therapy will help unmask these unconscious patterns, reduce the finger pointing, and help you and your partner map out a better way forward together. In some cases a couples therapist may actually help a couple realize that what each wants can’t be found with the other, and help a couple navigate a healthy separation.
Benefits of Family Therapy
So much of the time family problems aren’t the fault of one person or another, but the problem is the network of relationships. Perhaps alliances have been formed and sides have been taken. Perhaps one of the children are acting as the scapegoat for systemic family dysfunction. Unless identified, evaluated, and renegotiated, these patterns tend to get worse, not better over time, and lead to long-term fissures in the family.
Family therapy, depending on the issue and the comfort of persons involved, can take place with the therapist seeing one parent, two parents, one or two parents plus one or more children, three generations, and nearly every possible configuration of family members. Family therapy doesn’t identify who’s behaving well and who’s misbehaving, but rather creates a space for collaborative problem solving.
A family therapist needs to be “an iron fist in a velvet glove,” setting the stage for peaceful, productive conversations in place of yelling, accusing, blaming, and shaming. A therapist will set the ground rules to keep everyone feeling safe, heard, and seen.
How to get started
If you are seeking therapy in Toronto, there are a lot of excellent, well-trained therapists to choose from, hailing from a variety of cultural backgrounds and speaking a variety of languages. If you are seeking in-person therapy in Toronto, be mindful of location, commuting time, and personal schedules.
You are not far from help, and a journey of self-discovery that could be life-changing.