Living with ADHD can feel like juggling too many things at once. Your mind races, tasks pile up, and staying focused is a constant battle!
As you have ADHD.I won’t say, “Congratulations!” as if you just won a raffle, and I won’t say, “My condolences” as if somebody died. Having ADHD has nothing to do with anything you did or that happened to you. It just is. Like having brown eyes instead of blue.
That said, if the world around you is designed for people who don’t have ADHD (and it certainly is!), you will want to think strategically about how to get along in that world. What follows is a short list of ADHD tips for adults.
“Don’t” to Manage Things:
First, the DON’Ts. Because they’re not as fun.
- Don’t give in to shame. Yes, you’re different. But then again, so is everyone else in some way or other. I have a gap between my two front teeth. The person to my left has two webbed toes. The person to my right has a mole. You, right in front of me, have ADHD. You were born with it. Just because it takes a little more thought and effort to live with ADHD than a mole, doesn’t mean I should feel like an outcast.
- Don’t pretend it doesn’t affect you. If a different sense of time is one of your ADHD symptoms, don’t’ shrug it off by telling yourself (even if it’s true) that everyone is late now and again. Admit that you’re late for things a lot of the time, because you weren’t watching the clock or were trying to jam too many things in before it was time to leave. Admit it for your own sake, and the sake of everyone who’s ever waited for you!
- Don’t self-medicate. Rates of alcohol- and THC-abuse are much higher for those struggling with ADHD. So are addictions to problem-eating, pornography, and overuse of devices (scroll much?). I’m not saying you can’t eat, drink, or be merry, but try to recognize the ways in which you overdo this or that to an unhealthy degree. A lot of habits are easy to form and hard to break. Determine what habits are healthy and when and how you want to engage them. A self-directed You will be a healthier You.
Related: How Can You Help Your Loved One With ADHD? - Don’t over-promise. Easier said than done, right? Those of us with ADHD tend to underestimate the amount of time things take, dismiss the likely obstacles, and overestimate the effects of will-power. One way to think about ADHD is the habit of not getting done what we intend to do. So be cautious about what you promise to do out of a self-awareness that you’re just more distractable than the average person.
“Do’s” to Manage Things:
Now, the DOs. Because they feel more hopeful.
- Do tell those closest to you. It can be very tempting for other people, even your close friends and loved ones, to think that when you miss a deadline, you’re being lazy, or when you forget their birthday, you don’t care, etc., etc., etc. Every one of us needs to feel seen and understood. Why would you withhold the key to interpreting your behaviors? You’re not making excuses; you’re just announcing your limitations and challenges.
- Do get organized. I was one of the first on my block to use a large, diary-sized day planner which helpfully put my to-do lists and calendar in one place. Then I discovered the PalmPilot (remember those), which brought me into the 20th century. Then I started using the To Do add-on to Outlook. Then I started using Microsoft Planner for more complex situations. I look back and shake my head at how I learned the hard way how to cope with my “monkey-mind.” But at least I can testify that getting organized is possible. Use any and every tool that works for you!
- Do practice good sleep-habits. Sleep-deprivation is very common among people with ADHD. The need for stimulation and resulting impulsivity, and/or the hyper-focus that some ADHDers experience, can mean that “one more episode” or (gamer shout-out!) “one more level” before bed can leave us with a huge sleep deficit. Set your wake-up alarm for the same time every day. Avoid naps if you’re sleep-deprived (sounds counter-intuitive, but trust me!). Think about it: which of your ADHD symptoms is likely to get better from lack of sleep. Exactly.
- Do be aware that your ADHD may have impacted your mental health. Inattentive drifting off, or hyperactive interjections, or being accused of a lack of commitment, or any other problematic behavior associated with your ADHD can increase anxiety, deepen depression, and negatively impact relationships. Remaining aware of how others might perceive you can be the key to managing expectations—both yours and others. But if you’ve been bumped and bruised trying to live in a non-ADHD world, reach out to a qualified ADHD therapist.
Next Step:
I hope these rules of thumb prove helpful to you as they have for me. Take heart. You’re not alone.If you find yourself difficult to manage things, get professional help for managing ADHD for Adults.